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Customer Focus: United Airlines Gets It Wrong
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It’s good advice not to read the airline magazine, but the November 2007 Hemispheres Magazine is an exceptional example of what not to say and what not to do. Chief Customer Officer Graham Atkinson says:
I think it’s fair to say that in the grand scheme of service companies around the world, U.S. airlines don’t naturally find their way to the top.
United has been seen as excellent in terms of many of the things that go along with building a very sophisticated hub-and-spoke network. But on having customer-focused service, we have to be honest: We’ve been middle of the pack.
Actually, if they were going to be honest, they’d admit that United brings up the rear, as is well known to anyone who has flown an international carrier, or even Delta.
The article goes on to describe the exquisite luxury of their new first-class international seats that recline all the way. Because 99% of their passengers are not flying first-class international, United proves in this article that they still lack customer-focus. Or at least if there is a focus, it is on some other customer.
Incompetent, ineffective, and tacky. But the 99% of United customers who get nothing from this article have one small consolation: at least in this respect United was being honest.
Substance Squad
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CUSTARD…DOWN ON BOURBON STREET
Armed Slovenian Substance Police investigating the contents of my larder.
One rubber-gloved officer examines a suspicious looking tin of Bird’s Custard Powder, one of the first in Slovenia.
Experimenting with custard can lead to rhubarb crumble abuse and ultimately trifle addiction.
And that’s pudding it mildly.
Another is perhaps wondering why his training did not help him to identify all these weird curry ingredients, which are sold openly on the streets in the UK.
"And what are these?" an officer sternly demanded, pointing a bum-gloved finger at a huge jar of mung beans.
The sudden discovery of half a kilo of lepilo za tapeta in the type of white plastic bags sometimes seen in Columbians’ suitcases in TV movies caused the biggest adrenalin rush of the morning.
But the excitement only lasted about five seconds as this is the designer drug known po Angleško as wallpaper paste. The DA couldn’t make that stick.
SIMILAR GREAT IDEAS
Only 20 years ago, coffee was obtainable in Yugoslavia only from spivs, in a lucrative black market trade controlled by the SDS leadership, including Radovan Karadzic, Momcilo Krajisnik and Biljana Plavsic, through a network of companies based in Pale and Bijeljina.
By 2003 Slovenia had the twelfth highest per capita consumption of coffee of any country in the world, at 5.6 kilograms per person per year, higher even than Brazil, (where there is an awful lot of coffee).
Evidently the intrigue and faffing about required to obtain supplies of coffee, cigarettes and alcohol just made the Slovenians want to use them even more.
Just like someone knew it would.
What’s often overlooked is how well unbalancing markets for elastic commodities works at bringing people together. King James’ tea tax united the humblest peasant fisherfolk with the landowning aristocracy in a racy and violent tea smuggling industry on England’s south coast in the 1780s.
And America’s war on alcohol (1920-1933) saw gangsters and policemen joined in battle against other gangsters and policemen.
When that fiasco was finally abandoned, G-man Anslinger and his buddies, faced with the worrying prospect of no fun to prohibit, turned their steely gaze to pot.
Their plans included a national round-up of stoned musicians – "I don’t mean good musicians, I mean jazz musicians," Anslinger explained.
70 years on and the jazz problem is still with us. Let’s prevent the same mistake in the future by putting the custard kings into, er, custody, before the kids get sick.
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